“Never give the role of archbishop to someone who aspires to be archbishop.” — advice of a 16th century church leader upon his succession
Client Case Files: The Preacher
Pastor Pete is in an existential crisis. He’s 47 years old. His kids need to be put through college. His elders are at each other over worship styles, spiritual gifts, and who gets to make the carpet decisions for the new narthex. There are financial pressures surrounding what he’s come to call the Church Building Cam-pain-in-the-butt and the zoning commission has delayed approval one more time. The deacons are slacking at their jobs. To do that job, just when he needs comfort, his wife is strangely distant, somehow dissatisfied with her traditional roles: coordinating Vacation Bible School, playing piano for the worship team, leading coffee chats for women’s ministries. Important roles. What does she want? He knows what he’s not getting and prospects look grim with the impasse between them over the past few months. (Might as well have been a priest, he thinks.)
Pete’s church is pushing the 600-member ceiling and has been for the past five years. Attrition always seems to match new membership. Even though the Forward in Faith consultant said this could be cured with a 1000-capacity worship center and a seeker-sensitive Saturday night services, volunteers are harder to find. They fill out the little 3-by-5 pew cards. They check the box that says, “I want to serve.” But Pete is figuring out that this is a clever ruse among seasoned lay people. Nine out of ten times, the “I want to serve” ploy is to get special attention from an already overextended staff. Everyone has unrealistic needs and expectations from him. (Unmet father-love issues up the yin-yang.) Now he’s got a boomer-buster crowd that is busy and boundaried, opinionated, critical, and DEMANDING.
Even his staff is whiney. If he lets his subliminal self speak up, that’s for the only word for these “associates in ministry.” Hah! Each one is their own special interest group and none of them really share the weight of responsibility or give him the credit he deserves. Even with his newly minted Dr. of Ministry Degree from a prestigious seminary– that raised his prospects for career advancement as well as sensitivity and awareness of issues that are relevant to a post-modern culture– Pastor Pete isn’t getting the respect he is due. He’s put in his time, poured out his life, and given his treasure to God while those around him store up treasure on earth.
Pastor Pete’s support group– an enlightened breed boasting a college professor, two doctors, two nurses, a lawyer, a businessman, a social worker, a coach, and one master’s level, self-styled, stay at home mom– suggest he may have some kind of burn-out. A mid-life crisis, perhaps. Maybe he should write a book. Get a radio program. Take a vacation. This small group has rallied around Pastor Pete and he thinks of them as his present-day disciples, his little group of twelve. They feel special to be in Pete’s group, a model share group for the rest of the congregation. They have agonized with him over the burden of his special gifting and fatigue for the last few years. They endorse a medical check-up, golf on Fridays, a sabbatical, or an extended cruise in the Mediterranean after he leads his Holy Land Tour.
What’s wrong with this picture? No one thinks to suggest Pete might be suffering from the Narcissistic Christian Leader Syndrome and they all are part of the swirl.
What is the Narcission Christian Leader Syndrome?
A narcissistic leader is a leader that perceives him or herself as central to a group of organization and directs or shapes the organization, often unconsciously, using its people and functions to meet personal ego/life/identity needs. A narcissistic Christian leader (NCL) uses people and organizations in the same way– to fulfill their own emotional, relational, significance, and status needs– all wrapped up in the supreme purposes of God or under banners of Christian ministry or service to others.
It may look like what I do is for the greater good and I may even give God the glory, but at the end of the day, it’s all about me, my ministry, my good intentions, my legacy, my sphere of influence, my work for the kingdom, my life before God, and more often than not, my career.
Some Christian leaders have their own identities so merged with divine purposes that they don’t know where they leave off and the Almighty begins. Others have gotten caught up in service cultures that seek winsome, ambitious, or attractive people, who seem “successful”, and will bring their group to glory. (It reminds me a bit of the Old Testament story where Israel demanded a king.) Today, it has become hard to tell the difference between leaders with narcissistic (self-centered) characteristics and “narcissistically bent” church systems, businesses, and organizations spawned throughout the globe. Many of us have stopped even trying to differentiate between our figureheads, our “ministries”, and the will of God.
I hear a hot new Christian vocalist being promoted on praise radio, crooning, “I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I (about five bars of this) just want to lift up your name.” I wait to hear whose name is going to be lifted up. Amid the “I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I just want to worship”, for several breathy more choruses, somewhere it seems God got a quickie mention, and then the song is over. A deep-voiced announcer says, “That was a new CD by Reba Wonderful*, singing songs from her smash album, ‘Worship God’.” Reba’s name is then presented at least ten more times, with all kinds of superlatives about her rising stardom, her talent, and her popularity. Her name is intoned with reverence and awe, and then we are encouraged to take Reba’s latest music home with us. “Go buy Reba’s awesome release, ‘Worship God’.” Is anyone else struck by this incongruity.?
I must admit that I caught myself joining in a soulful sing-a-long with the I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I chorus. Then I heard my own I-I-I-I-I-ing against the backdrop of Reba’s name being repeated over and over. Am I being media mind-washed with the Name of Reba in hopes that it will influence my consumer behavior and lead me to worship God? The name of Jesus is never mentioned in the twenty-minute talk and music segment on praise radio.
Here is yet another glimpse of the context we live in that fosters the Narcissistic Leader Syndrome. Just like celebrity pastors, the talent, the creative artists, and the Christian music and media industry are proclaiming our current Christian message to the world: it’s all about us.
As goes the leader, so goes the church.
*More about NLCs to come.*